An interview with Kyle Cowling about No Runners

UniversalCinema Magazine (UM): How did you first learn about Trevor Stewart’s story about his struggles with mental health?

(KC): I first learned about Trevor Stewart’s story in 2017. At the time, I was working on a documentary Web series that I was directing and DP’ing within the world of motocross racing. Trevor had reached out to me via an Instagram message, sharing a bit about his trials and tribulations in racing and, asked if it could be possible to feature him in an episode of this docu-series I was shooting. His message was so well-written and sincere that I couldn’t tell him no. We ended up spending a handful of days shooting his episode and telling his story about growing up and trying to make a name for himself within racing, while also being in public school, and coming from a blue-collar, middle class family. From that project, we ended up working together on some client projects the following year for American Honda Motor Co. and simply building a relationship overtime. We never necessarily had deep, philosophical conversations about mental health, but it was something that would get brought up on some level during a few conversations.

(UM): What was the inspiration behind creating this film?

(KC): The inspiration for No Runners stems from a few points of inspiration. The first being my own battles with mental health and feeling incredibly inadequate to be doing the job that I have. Whether that is true or not, I have always struggled with severe imposters syndrome. Secondly, we started production of No Runners in April of 2020, while in the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic. When the world shut down, I felt like only had two options: one was to completely quit my job as a cinematographer, sell all of my gear, and go get a job at Trader Joe’s. At the time, like all of us freelancers, work was falling apart. Any and all jobs that I did have lined up were cancelled. My second option was to find the mental and emotional strength to say, “Hell no, I will not let this challenging time get the best of me.” So, with the support of my wife, I decided to use the downtime in a positive fashion and go create a passion project to help me better understand my craft. I wanted to challenge myself on all levels of production and creativity, and I knew there wouldn’t be a better time to do so then during the down time I was facing. Basically, it was either I sit and feel sorry for myself or get up off my ass and create something that I could be proud of. I chose to create.

(UM): With this film’s release, has there been anyone that has reached out to you or Trevor to show their support?

(KC): Within the motocross industry, films like this are not something you often see. It’s more so about rap music and/or rock music playing over slow motion shots of dudes hitting big jumps. We do have a decent amount of doc style work within the MX world, but definitely nothing like this has ever really come out within the sport. I knew that it would be a mix of people really loving what we did and people really hating what we did. And, I was right. However, I wasn’t concerned about those that didn’t like the film, because we didn’t make this for them. Honestly, we truly made it for ourselves. We made it because we wanted to do something creative and challenge ourselves to go out of our comfort zone in telling a story about a serious topic we tend to ignore. Between Trevor and I, we’ve actually had a surprising amount of industry folks, professional athletes, and fans reach out via social media, e-mail, or text about how much they loved what we did. Some had admitted to us that they had to watch it a few times to fully understand the message, but once they did, they loved it. We didn’t make the film in hopes people would praise what we did, but it was nice to know people in fact appreciated something that was different from what is typically produced within the twowheeled motorsports world.

(UM): What does mental health mean to you?

(KC): For me, mental health means an invisible demon. I think it’s often frowned upon and looked at as a joke. I got kicked out of community college because I was academic probation and failing all of my classes. The only class I enjoyed and passed was my psychology class. It was such a fascinating curriculum that I had wished was taught in high school and was the beginning of me realizing some of my own mental demons (this was circa 2007). Our mind is incredibly powerful and, more often then not, we probably let it get the best of us. Throughout my process of seeing a therapist, I’ve learned so much about impact of my developmental years, what I dealt with, and how it’s impacted me today. It’s difficult because you can’t necessarily see mental health battles, so if you can’t see them, it’s hard for people to quantify them as real. Instead, you’re looked at as weak or a cry baby and told to suck it up. All of us have our own problems and our own internal demons we are battling. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not real.

(UM): When creating the film, how was your style of collaboration with Trevor on a very important topic like this?

(KC): I had been sitting on the rough idea of this film for quite a while and, once the world went dark, I reached out to Trevor and explained to him what I had in my head. He was instantly sold on the idea. From there, I spent time writing out a small outline of the overall flow of the story and then building a mood board via Shot Deck to help me build out the look and feel of the film. I used Shot Deck to help better visualize what was in my head for lighting, color, composition, etc. Our fist day of production was the morning sequence with Trevor waking up, going to the bathroom, and then sitting at the table with his morning coffee. After we completed those sequences, I sat down with Trevor and recorded a 30-minute conversation with him about his own struggles with mental health and bouts of depression. We shared stories about our own experiences with depression, what we felt caused it, how the industry has, at times, made us feel unwanted, how we got through the rough times, etc. From there, I used that conversation to write the VO that is in the film. It’s a mix of our conversation and also specific experiences and feelings both Trevor and I have felt throughout time. It took me a few passes to get the VO in the right spot and, Trevor was able to look at it with fresh eyes and tell me when I was going too far off the path or if something didn’t feel right based on his own experiences. Trevor is a professional athlete and a multi-time champion, he’s not an actor. At all. Prior to No Runners, he’d never done anything at this level. However, you would’ve never known that. Every day that we would shoot, Trevor would want to watch playback so that he could study his performance. He’d see little things that he liked or didn’t like and more often then not, he’d be the one asking for another take because he felt like he had a better performance in him. And, throughout production, we always spoke about keeping the overall story as genuine to his own experiences as possible. However, we did take some creative liberty in some areas like the fire pit sequence. That was never something he’d personally done during his struggles, but he loved the idea of it being the climax to his realization of what he loves most, which is his dirt bike. He was just so excited and passionate about the entire process. I wanted it to be the best it could be and he wanted it to be the best it could be. Sometimes, it’s hard to find that collaborative connection with someone, but for Trevor and I, it clicked. There was an immense amount of trust between both of us. That was huge.

(UM): What is your hope that this film would give to the viewers?

(KC): My hope is that it can give viewers an abstract look at mental health, and I hope that it can show that even professional athletes who, from the outside looking in may appear to have it all, they also suffer from the same issues you and I struggle with. I hope that this film shows that no matter your profession, or how great you think you maybe, we all have struggles, we all hurt, and that it’s okay to look inward and also to ask for help. I also hope that it can provide some confidence to people that it’s okay to be different. It’s okay to walk to the beat of your own drum. It’s easy to simply do exactly what everybody else is doing, but life is far more rewarding when you stay true to yourself and the vision of the world you want to create. If No Runners can even give off one part of what I just listed, I would be happy.

(UM): How long have you known Trevor Stewart?

(KC): I met Trevor in 2017, so we are on four years of knowing and working with each other.

(UM): Do you plan on making more mental health related films?

(KC): After we wrapped No Runners, I wanted to keep the momentum going. However, I wasn’t quite sure what the next project would be or look like. By the time the film was wrapped and live, client work had started to go back to normal, so it allowed me to let the ideas simmer in the background for a while. I’d say in February of 2021, I started slowly writing down ideas for the next passion project. It wasn’t until September that I finally had the big breakthrough I was needing in the story I was writing for the next one. And, somewhat unintentionally, the next passion project will also be about mental health, but I’d argue in an even more abstract fashion than what No Runners was/is. Right now, I am just working on securing a small budget for this next one. No Runners, I funded completely out of my own pocket. In total, we made the film for less than $2,000! And, I’d like to think for the level of production value we showed in No Runners, that we did a hell of a job for spending under $2k. The credits kinda tell you that the crew was next to nothing. I wrote, directed, DP’d, edited, colored, gaff’d, gripped, produced, and more the entire thing. I had my close friends Brandon Carter and Stu Alfano on to do still photography and design work,. They also joined me with EP’ing the film. Chris Ray and Martin Fobes came on board to help us shoot the sunset lakebed scene; everybody that helped bring this film to life believed in the concept and the vision. We all donated our own time and our own equipment to do something we believed in. This was such a special experience and I hope this next one that I am going to embark on can bring those same feelings… Just with a little bit of budget this go around. Haha!

(UM): What advice would you give viewers who struggle with their own mental health?

(KC): My advice to any one struggling with mental health is, as simple as it sounds, to go get help. I’d been wanting to see a psychologist for years, however, I always made the excuse of not having enough time. After No Runners, it really solidified for me that I needed to go get help. So, in January of 2021, I decided it was time. I found a clinical psychologist in my area, and I’ve been seeing her once a week since January. It’s one of those things where as soon as I finished that first session, I questioned why it took me so long to finally do this. It’s been such a life-changing experience. It is difficult! We talk about some heavy times in my life that are difficult to realize and/or admit how they have made me feel, but it’s been worth it. Through the process, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), and mild PostTraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). As odd as this may sound, the diagnosis actually helped me to feel a little less crazy. Most of my life I felt like the things I felt on the inside were not normal and I was simply making it up, or like, “Nah, it was never that bad” and, to an extent crazy. The diagnosis actually helped me to feel more normal, if you will.

(UM): What resources, if any, do you recommend one to explore if they need help coping with their mental health?

(KC): I know there are plenty of resources out there, but for those that would like to speak with somebody, I would suggest looking into a Web site called PsychologyToday.com. Essentially, it’s a database of psychologist all across the country. You simply set your location and it’ll direct you to clinically certified and reviewed psychologists in your area. That is exactly how I found my psychologist.