A young teenage girl finds herself caught up in a clash between cultural traditions and modern values in director Diem Ha Le’s first feature documentary, Children of the Mist.
Twelve-year-old Di lives in the mountains of northern Vietnam and belongs to the Hmong, an ethnic minority in which girls get married as young as fourteen. This is often initiated during Lunar New Year celebrations in the form of “bride kidnapping,” in which a husband-hopeful kidnaps his chosen bride and negotiations between their two families follow.
Diem follows Di over three years. We never see Diem, who serves as her own cinematographer and does not speak Hmong, but it’s clear she’s formed a bond with her subject. In her opening narration, Diem remarks that throughout filming she’s always been scared of losing Di. This casts an ominous shadow over the film, but the viewer chooses hope as we’re swept up in Di’s youthful exuberance and the routines of daily life with her family.
The custom of bride kidnapping is simultaneously controversial and accepted by Di and her family. Both her mother and older sister La went through it. By seventeen, La is pregnant with her second child, while Di’s parents openly voice their marital conflicts. Rather than spark fear or anger in Di, she plays pretend bride kidnapping with friends and relates the story of her older sister La’s kidnapping with ease. She accepts the practice for others, but comments with naive confidence that she won’t let it happen to her. Meanwhile, Di’s mother alternately makes jokes about the custom, uses it as a threat when Di misbehaves, and sheds tears over her fears of Di being abducted for marriage at such a young age.
School and her smart phone also play big influences on Di’s understanding of life, her future, and her own desires. Her phone connects her to Facebook and the world at large, and at school the teachers strongly advocate for her continued pursuit of education. During attendance, teachers question students about their absences and insist school must come first. Di confesses to Diem she dreams of working, making money and taking her mother on trips around the world. She continues to maintain that she won’t be trapped by a bride kidnapping but still treats it as a game, reflecting her continued embrace of childhood.
It becomes all too real for Di when she falls prey to a bride kidnapping at age fourteen, despite her mother’s warnings and her own self-confidence. Her husband-to-be, Vang, is a boy her age. When the two families meet to begin negotiations about Di’s dowry, Di’s mother is a host of contradictions as she navigates cultural customs, personal feelings, and family honour. Distraught about her daughter’s abduction, she nevertheless encourages her husband to strike a good deal with Vang’s family. She privately instructs Di how to formally refuse the marriage, while publicly she pressures Di to accept it. She insists the parents must not interfere in their children’s decision, but then allows Vang’s family to physically carry Di away (literally kicking and screaming) as per tradition—before finally stepping in to invite the ‘couple’ to drink the break-up wine, if they so choose.
Overwhelmed and confused, Di runs away during the negotiations to find refuge at school. Her mother quickly brings her back home, angry at the dishonour Di’s antics bring their family. A group of teachers arrive to remind both families that marriage before age eighteen is illegal, and to advocate the benefits of waiting. Di clearly does not want to get married but struggles to find a solid way out, highlighting her young age and issues around consent. Vang also realizes too late that he’s in way over his head, remarking to Diem, “I am still a child; I don’t know why I kidnapped her.” He dropped out of school the year prior to help his family and has concerns, as well as ideas, about his future—just like Di—but their two visions look vastly different.
Diem captures the complicated and sensitive inner workings of bride kidnapping, and the clash between traditional and modern values, with a bold but human lens. She’s unafraid to get close to her subjects in volatile or fragile moments, while still respecting her subjects’ emotional space. It’s a thoughtful film that offers perspectives from all parties rather than imposing harsh judgment or painting anyone a villain.
Children of the Mist had its international premiere at this year’s International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam (IDFA), where Diem was awarded for Best Directing in the International Competition.