The End of Wonderland by Canadian filmmaker Laurence Turcotte-Fraser had its world premiere at the IDFA in the Luminous category. It follows the life of transgender adult performer Tara Emory as she works to try and complete her long-gestating “trans sci-fi porn epic” Up Uranus at the time the studio space she had hoped to buy goes on the market.
This film is not PG, and while there could’ve easily been a version of this film that foregoes clips from Up Uranus, those clips were necessary to paint the full picture of Tara Emory’s creativity and control over her sexual narrative. Early in the film, Tara talks about how this wasn’t something she expected to do. She never expected to become a model, one who did so bearing her breasts. There was a time when she couldn’t envision herself having breasts (in reality). Then when she did, there was a threshold of taking dirty pictures of herself and with it the realization that 6 pictures would be as damaging as 60,000. So she decided to own what she does. And she has, she’s made a career of it, becoming a micro-celebrity doing so. However, she has not become as successful as she thought she would be now, and that’s where the documentary enters us.
Tara has many skills. She sews all her costumes, builds her set designs, films and edits her own shoots, and is restoring her house. She also knows cars and is a skilled mechanic. Film and life often explore the nature/nurture dichotomy, and The End of Wonderland is no different. Her mother is a skilled painter, and her father loved cars. Her father collected over 80 Volkswagens from the junkyard with young Tara and left them to decay in their yard. Tara similarly collects old cars intending to restore but most sit in the basement of Wonderland in disrepair. She refers to his habit as hoarding, one that she’s inherited and one that she hopes to break. She hopes that her being forced to downsize the stuff she’s been keeping in Wonderland (bikes, cars, and a myriad of props) as the owners sell it will be the kick she needs. She also hopes the pressure of the ticking clock will be what she needs to finally finish Up Uranus.
Up Uranus is her passion project and, as a writer, I understand the endless tweaking, the desire to keep trying to make things perfect. However, we all know this is a catch 22. If you take too long on something, you’ll find yourself a relic of the past or that someone else has already done a similar idea. Though, as proven time and again, there’s room for projects with similar base concepts (Battle Royale, Hunger Games, Squid Game) as long as your take is unique. And Tara Emory clearly brings a unique passion to her DIY retro sci-fi odyssey. The Testosterobots she came up with combined with the grade school chemistry experiment of using mentos and 7up for their ejaculation is hilarious. You could see her pride in having come up with that when she explained it. And it really is very clever.
Wonderland, besides being a large warehouse-type studio space she used to do her shoots and store her, well, everything, also represents a safe place for her and her friends to explore their sexual proclivities without judgment. Safe spaces are important. It was a place Tara Emory could be herself fully, and accepted for all parts of herself. She gave up comics when she transitioned, not wanting to have to explain herself. Her mother, who appears in the documentary, is often seen misgendering her. And her sister, who we don’t see, doesn’t approve of her lifestyle and refuses to visit her home. However, the End of Wonderland doesn’t mean the end of the ideals the space permitted because they live on with Tara. She’s a creator, and she will create another one. And hopefully, she will finish her epic.
Stray Thought:
Loved the scene with her at the car show because it showed acceptance in a less expected place.